The Mockingjay's Wing
by loob88
Summary: What would have happened if Peeta died in the Games? How would Katniss have gotten by? Find out in this story set after the first book! (yeah, I suck at summaries :p)
1. Chapter 1

I brush the snow off my hunting boots and walk into the house. Mom's there, as is Prim. Buttercup isn't. He's probably at the old house. I make a mental note to go and find him when I do my food round.

_Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring._

The phone buzzes. I pick it up and am pleased to hear Cinna's familiar voice at the other end.

"Hi, Katniss. I was wondering if I could come over and show you a dress I've designed for your victory tour." He chirps.

"Of course you can! I'd love to see it." I smile back.

"I'll be round your house about 5 then." He says, then hangs up. I put the phone back.

"Who was it?" Mom calls from the kitchen.

"Cinna. He's coming over at 4 with my dress for the victory tour." I reply, beaming loosely. Four o'clock. The bakery would shut then. Peeta's family would close it up and spend another night lamenting the loss of a son. I wasn't responsible for his death. After we killed Cato, we decided to go off into the woods and stick it out after I managed to loosely patch up his leg. That night there was a blast. Peeta was killed. I was too far away for it to hit me. I didn't blame myself. it was, after all, a joint idea to stick it out until one of us died.

But, because of my rotten luck, it was Peeta.

I look over at the clock on the wall. It's half past 2. I have just enough time to go out and get Buttercup. Then Cinna can come over. When he goes, I'll do the food round. Then, at 8 PM, it'll be bedtime for me. I need my rest beacuse of the victory tour tomorrow. It'll be a long month ahead, thinking about what would have happened if Peeta were still alive and how he would have enjoyed the tour.

But I have no regrets about what I did.

And I never will.

I trudge back out of the house and into the snow, shutting the heavy oak door behind me. The sound it makes as it shuts resonates around the village. It's not loud enough to wake Haymitch up, but it's a good try.

I slowly, carefully open the gate and lock it behind me. The snow seems to end there, with just a faint trickle seeping out into the barren Seam. I run up to my old house and find Buttercup there, as usual, waiting to be fed. I go inside the old house and empty my game bag. There's a bit of wild turkey in there and a few scraps of fish, which I feed to him. I shut the door behind me, scoop him up and keep him close to me, trying to put some warmth back into him. He lets out a contented purr.

"You old fleabag." I chuckle as I unlock the gate again. I lock it behind me and hear my boots crunch under the snow. I dash up to my house, cat still in my arms. I open the door and shut it behind me, trying not to let the cold air in, dropping the cat to the floor. I take off my boots and socks and walk into the living room. I warm my feet by the fire before flicking the TV on. It's been almost three months since the Games, and they're still showing highlights. I watch intently. It's not just a highlight to me. Each five-minute section is a vivid memory in my mind. The balls of fire that were aimed at me. Rue's death. Thresh crushing Clove's skull with a rock. Glimmer's death at the hands of the Tracker Jackers. The blast which killed Peeta.

I emit a whimper and turn the TV off. I don't particularly want to watch the Games all over again. I don't want to relive the days and nights I spent there, watching people kill or be killed.

"Are you OK?" Prim asks, walking in with a hot bowl of porridge. She sits next to me and eats it quickly. She takes the bowl back into the kitchen and rejoins me.

"They were putting the highlights of the Games on and I didn't want to watch." I mutter. I look over at the clock. It's 3:00. I have an hour before Cinna comes.

"Are you going down to the Hob? Can I join you?" Prim asks. I nod.

"OK, then. You can come." I smile. she grins and clings to my arm. I haven't taken her with me before. Maybe she thinks that she's mature enough, now that she's 13. I'm unsure. I don't think she's mature enough. She's not escaped the Games yet. But if she wants to come, it's her choice.

We exit the house swiftly, making sure Buttercup hasn't followed us. We unlock the gate and re-lock it behind us, before making our way to the Hob. People smile and wave at us, congratulating me on my victory. The congratulations get bigger and heavier as we enter the Hob. We get offered lots of tiny freebies, which I pay for anyway. I have too much money to spend, anyway.

"Ah, dear, hello!" Greasy Sae smiles at me and Prim.

"Hello!" Prim beams.

"Well, look how much you've grown! I remember when your father used to bring here when you were just a baby. You look just like your mother." Greasy Sae smiles fondly. Prim grins proudly back. She looks at a poppy pin in intrigue. She picks it up and has a look.

"I'd like to buy it for her." I smile. Greasy Sae nods.

"Name the price, Miss Everdeen." She chuckles.

"Twenty-five dollars." I offer. She smiles.

"Thank you." She says. I smile inside as I hand her the money. It feels good to help her out.

"Hey, Katniss! How's the little kid?" Darius, one of the peacekeepers, grins as he walks past.

"I'm fine, thanks." Prim giggles. She enjoys Darius' company almost as much as I do. I give him a wave before looking at my watch. 3:30. I can stop and chat for a little while, so I do. Darius and I talk about life after the games, and what it's like to be a Peacekeeper. He tells me about some sweets shaped like flowers, and I go over and buy three bags, on for him, one for me and one for Prim. We part company just in time as, shortly after I arrive back home, Cinna turns up with my dress for the Victory tour.

"Well, Katniss, this is what you're going to wear." He grins. He holds up a deep purple dress from behind his back. I smile and undress and Prim have seen me in just my underclothes, as has Cinna, so it's of no discomfort to me. I slip into the dress easily, and it fits like a glove.

"I remember your measurements like they were my own. I want to make clothes that fit my clients perfectly. And, as of yet, you are my only client." Cinna chuckles.

"Don't worry, after the Victory Tour, everybody will want some Cinna dresses." I beam back. He gives me a smile.

"Sounds great." He smirks. Prim looks up at him, eyes huge.

"Can I have a Cinna dress?" She asks.

"Of course. Primrose, is it? I'll take a guesstimate of your mesurements and create a dress that should fit. You would look adorable in pastel pink." Cinna smiles. I run my hands up and down the dress, before slipping out of it and putting my regualr clothes on.

"Do you like it?" Cinna asks.

"I think it's lovely." I smile. I walk into the kitchen and bring in a hamper of food Mom has specially prepared for Cinna.

"My thanks, Mrs. Everdeen." He smiles. Mom acknowledges his praise. He takes the dress from me and puts it back onto the coathanger. I make sure all of my original clothes are re-fitted before I go out on my food round, making sure Mom, Cinna and Prim have some time together to talk. I just hope that, by the time I return, he's still there. I really need to talk to him. In private. Away from the family.

I push the thoughts to the back of my mind and I walk out of the Victor's Village and into the seam. House number one. I knock on the door. A young girl, who I know by the name Bethany, answers.

"Hello, Katniss." She murmurs in a voice that barely qualifies as a whisper.

"Hello, Bethany." I smile back. I hand her the food and three dollars, like I normally do with her. For most families, I just drop off food, but Bethany's mother and father died in the same explosion that killed my Dad, back when she was a baby, and she's been raised by her older brother ever since. I know the struggle they're going through, which is why I go out of my way to slip them a couple of dollars here and there.

Bethany smiles at me and I smile back. She caarefully shuts the door and leaves me to go off and do the rest of my round in the first glows of sunset.

0o0o0o0

When I get back, it's 6:45 and Cinna's drinking the last few dregs of a cup of hot chocolate.

"You're back." he smiles.

"I know. I wanted a word with you." I grin. We walk out of the room and into my bedroom. I sit on the bed and he does, too.

"I wanbted to talk to you about Peeta. Was it my fault that he died?" I ask. Cinna shakes his head.

"It's the inevitable. You both wanted to stick it out. You didn't want to be responsible for killing each other." He mutters.

"Thanks." I whisper back and we head downstairs, just as the last rays of sunlight fade from view. Mom's waiting for us, with a hot bowl of porridge for me.

"I guess I'll be off then. See you tomorrow!" Cinna smiled, and exits the house. I wave him off and begin to eat. The porridge warms my throat up and almost scalds it. I eat it quickly and take the bowl into the kitchen. When I return to the living room, I flick the TV on. The news comes up, and I npotice that the reporter is standing outside the Victor's Village of District 12. I notice the 'live broadcast' sign at the top of the TV, so i go out of the house to investigate.

Like a vulture to a carcass, the reporter goes straight in.

"Here we have Katniss Everdeen, our beautiful young victor from 12!" She smiles. I blush back.

"Yes, it's me." I mumble in a voice I barely recognize as my own.

"So how did it feel when Peeta died?" She asks. Suddenly, my mind becomes numb and I freeze for a second.

"It's like a nightmare. Every night, I wake up because of nightmares of him dying and dead. It feels really bad that he died and I didn't." I wail, almost on autopilot. The reporter's voice cracks and returns to normal as she aks me banal questions, each of which I give a banal answer to. Then, thew news report ends and I walk home. I look at the clock. I've been live on TV for about an hour. It's 8 now. I trudge upstairs, get changed into my pyjamas and hurl myself at the bed, ready for a busy day ahead.


	2. Chapter 2

When I wake up, it's 9:30 AM and I realise I need to get dressed. I put on the clothes from the previous night-Cinna will arrive and bring my dress before the cameras arrive-and head downstairs for breakfast-bacon and duck eggs. Mom passes the steaming plate to me on the table as I hoist myself next to Prim, who looks as beautiful and youthful as ever in her lilac nightie. Mom sits at the other side, weathered face looking a little tighter and more perky. Ever since she went to the Capitol for a facelift, she's looked a lot more young and happy.

There's no time for mention of the Capitol, though, as I get out of the house and head over to Haymitch next door. His house is nothing like mine, and that is evident when I push open his door. It stinks of mouse droppings, bile, vomit and other things that I can't distinguish. Haymitch is sleeping on top of several liquor bottles strewn around what I assumed to be a sofa. I prise the knife from his hands-I know he sleeps with one, and I don't fancy being stabbed on the day I set off for the other Districtsand gently nudge him.

"Up." I mutter. I repeat this until finally, admitting defeat, I walk over to the filthy sink and fill up the washbowl with freezing water. I creep over to him and splash it over him. He jumps up and tries to slash the air, not realising I have disarmed him.

"What're you doing here, Katniss?" He grunts.

"I came to wake you up before the cameras come, like you asked. Unless you wanted to behave like the drunkard fool you are and miss what could be one of the most important days of our lives." I snap back. This seems to rouse the 'mentor' half of Haymitch's brain and he begins to act like the respectable man he was before the alcohol poisoned his mind.

"Sorry, Katniss. I'll just go and have a shower. Meet you at your place." He grunts. I nod and go back home. When I get there, Cinna is waiting for me with my dress. We talk for a little while before I go upstairs and have a shower. Mom braids my hair and I slip my underclothes, dress, socks and shoes on. I sit on the sofa and wait for Haymitch, who staggers in half an hour later, dressed in his best outfit.

"Now that we're all suited and booted, who wants to sit and chat?" Cinna smiles.

"Me. It'll be the only chance I get to speak before-" I sigh, before I'm cut off by a knock at the door. I go over to open it. It's Effie, dressed in a bright pink outfit with a pumpkin-orange wig. Her skin is pale white, tinted with a minty green. Her lips are purple and her eyeshadow is lime.

"Hello, dearie!" She smiles and gives me a huge hug. To Cinna and Haymitch, it must have looked like I was being smothered by a brightly-coloured bird. But, on the inside, I knew who Effie really was and what she was really like. Over the past three months, she had warmed to me. She had gone from being a stiff-jawed, hoity-toity Capitol woman to a mother hen, almost like a fussy aunt. it was so tempting to return the hug, but I didn't want my dress to get any more rumpled than it already is.

My mother hands Effie a cup of hot chocolate. Effie complains of a headache, so mother laces it with a drop of morphling from the bottles Madge gave us. She gives me, Cinna and Prim one, too. For Haymitch, she has a bottle of orange, almost brown, liquid.

"It's a little concoction my mother taught me to make. It was back in the day when morphling didn't exist and drinking alcohol was the only way to numb pain. It sobers you up." She chuckles as Haymitch takes a swig. He doesn't find it objectionable and so drinks it all in one.

"Oh, Katniss, where's your little cousin, Gale?" Effie asks.

"For the last time, he's NOT my cousin! It was just something that we used to stop everybody thinking I was a cheat! We're in love!" I giggle. I let out a mock sigh.

"Well, where is he?" Effie repeats her question, sipping the hot chocolate.

"He's waiting at the station. Him, Hazelle, Rory, Vick and Posy." I smile.

"Well, if that's the case, we had better get going. I don't want your _cousin_ missing you." Cinna smiles wryly, the mischief flashing in his eyes. He sets his cup of hot chocolate down on the coffee table next to him and I repeat the motion. Haymitch does the same with his bottle and Effie delicately hands her cup to Mom. We get up and, after saying my goodbyes, I leave the house with my posse.

0o0o0o0

The snow is crisp and fresh on the ground as I hop into my taxi. Mom gets into a seperate one with Prim and it tails us as we head down to the station. When they stop, we get out and I try and act sweet for the crowd. In truth, I would rather be on my mother's worksurface. being injected with morphling, than this. It feels like a cup of coffee that, instead of having three tablespoons of sugar in, has three of salt. I never knew that victory was bittersweet.

I spot Gale and walk over to him.

"Hey, victor." He smiles. I stand on tiptoe and kiss his cheek. The cameras are on us, and all you can hear is the 'aaawh' noise coming from the crowd. They think we're just very close relatives, not boyfriend and girlfriend. They'll soon find out, i hope.

"How's things?" I ask.

"Not too bad. Not having every day with you's a bit hard, but I'm trying to get over it. When I work on that coal, I'm getting rid of my frustrations." He grins and, for the first time, I see the Gale under the coal dust that I hadn't seen in the 3 months I had been back home.

"Big cousin." Posy smiles at me and I smile back. I'm grateful for her childish naivety. I'm grateful that she doesn't realise the truth behind Gale and I's closeness. I'm glad she thinks I'm her cousin. I scoop her up gently and let her wave to the crowd before putting her back down and running up to Mom and Prim.

"Make sure to look after everybody while I'm gone. Gale and Hazelle. Bethany. Every other family who needs our help." I mutter. They nod, and we hug before I get on my train with Haymitch, Effie and Cinna. I pretend to be surprised when I see the three stowaways: my prep team. They smile when they see me, but, as soon as the train pulls away and the crowd vanishes, they become shocked.

"Look at the state of you! We need to wax you and shave you! You've been biting your nails again! You need fake ones!" They gasp, examining my body as I examine theirs. They've changed a lot in 3 months. Octavia's skin has gone from pea-green to turquoise. Venia's hair has been spiked and her gold tattoos have extended all the way down to her cheeks. Flavius' corkscrew curls have been dyed blue. They all look as if somebody's attached wires to their arms and sent an electric current up them.

"OK. I think it's stripping time." I giggle. I pull off my dress and they get to work on me. I'm shaved and waxed until I'm practically bald, then doused in salves and concoctions which reek to high heaven. Then, they attach fake nails to my stubby real ones and stick false jewels to my head with a non-toxic glue. My hair is kept in its signature braid and no alteration is made to it. I'm allowed to redress and look in the mirror. I like what they've done. They assure me that the jewels will fall off by the time I reach 11 and they're solely for decorative purpose whilst I'm on the train. I'm relieved at that. I really didn't fancy entering the district with the most painful memories whilst looking like a Capitol puppet.

After an hour, I'm allowed to return to my cabin. Effie gives me my speech card, which I have to practise. I ask Effie if I'm allowed to do my own speech, to which she says yes. I think she hopes I will keep it short and sweet. I don't want to disappoint, so I work on one that would last about 2 minutes and not contain any information about the fact that I actually _like _the Capitol. Underneath the flashy clothes and genetically modified humans, it's actually a nice place. I try and picture it to help me relax and get the horrific images of the Games out of my mind. It wqorks for a while, but then I smell something that smells so much like groosling that it's hard to forget the birds I shared with Rue, and the young Mockingjay that played her song to me as she died. It stabs at my heart like Clove's knives.

Then the train stops and I realize we've arrived at Rue's hometown. The air'swarm, unlike the air at home. It makes a pleasant change, and I don't find it overwhelming. If the weather were any colder at home, I probably would, but it appears that District 12 straddled the edge of Arctic. We were pretty damn lucky, anyway.

I get out of the train, closely followed by everybody else in my party of misfits. The peacekeepers escort us to the Justice Building, where we wait for the call for me to deliver my speech from the balcony. We sit and drink tea with the mayor, a small, balding man in his late fifties with dark skin and brown eyes. He's quite portly, something which I've rarely seen. It shocks me when I compare him to Rue, the skinny, starving girl who only ever had the chance to eat a full groosling leg when I gave it to her during the Games. I'm angry inside that he gets all the best food while he watches his District starve. I don't say anything though. I don't want to cause unrest.

In time, I'm called to do my speech. I stand at the balcony and look at the people gathered. In the reaping video where Rue and Thresh were chosen, not even half of these people were there. It makes me wonder whether the children were chosen prior to the reaping or not, and the rest were just children who were supposed to be there and cover up the real truth. I push the thought away from my mind as I begin my speech.

"Ladies and gentlemen of District 11, thank you for having me today. I'm sorry you couldn't be the home of a victor this year, but I sincerely hope you can forgive me. Anyway, on to the children. I barely knew Thresh, but when I did speak to him, he spared my life. I will be eternally grateful for that. And, although I never knew Rue prior to the Games, I developed a bond with her that will last until the day I die. She was courageous and swift, like a bird flying through the trees. I see her every day, in my mockingjay pin, in the flowers that grow around the meadow. Rue's mother, you should be proud of your little girl." I smiled. Effie clapped her hands behind me and, as the audience cheered me, two little girls, one in an orange dress, one in a yellow dress, came up and presented me with pink flowers.

"Thank you." I smiled, pausing as I noticed their resemblance to Rue.

"We're Rue's sisters." The one in the orange dress whispered.

"Well, I could tell. You look so much like her. be safe, little ones." I smiled at them and watched as they left the balcony. Effie motioned for me to leave behind them and I did, her, Haymitch and Cinna traipsing behind me like kittens to a queen cat.

"You did really well out there. I'm so proud of you for maintaining your composure. Now, comeon. we're going back into the train!" Effie grins at me and I smile weakly back. My mind is racing. I can't believe how strange District 11 seemed to me. It seemed so foreign and new. Rue had told me about the orchards. But I had seen none. It was just scrubland in the area surrounding the town square. The people looked a bit weary, too, as if they were tired of the same thing happening every year, where their tributes didn't return home. But I could tell that they were also happy that I had recognized their tributes as human beings, unlike he other victors, who just regarded them as lambs to the slaughter, pigs who had no purpose other than to die. They could see I had broken the mould as was going to be more compassionate and caring than the others ever were. And I want to remain that way. I want to be a good victor, not one who gets bigheaded.

I mull this over as I board the train and wait for it to start. it does so, and the rocking motion of it lulls me into a deep sleep.

By the time I wake up, it's morning again. I'm rushed off my feet as I quickly get dressed. My dress is honey-coloured this time and it suits me. I have my breakfast quickly and them I'm bundled off the train, ready for my speech in District 10.

When I get off the train, the stench is overwhelming. it reeks of manure, cowpats and rotten meat. I try not to be sick, but it's all too much and I have to rush to the train station toilets to vomit.

"Yoiu get used to it." Haymitch chuckles. I roll my eyes at him. Some help he's being. I don't even know why he bothers some days. I shrug indifferently and hold my nose until I get to the Justiuce Building. I stare inside it and sigh.

It's going to be tiring today.


End file.
